I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Help. Why am I so naked?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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