It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
