you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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