gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
