Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Two words: blizzard sex
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
