There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
