Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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