Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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