he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
