i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
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