I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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