jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
