have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
