i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
