i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
