I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
