We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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