Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
