its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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