I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
