OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
