I could make wine with my vomit
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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