You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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