so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
