Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
