You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
