My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
