Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
