I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
