You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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