My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
