If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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