So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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