Buhtt sex?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
