Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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