well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
