That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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