he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
