I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
