I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Randomize
