Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
