; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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