Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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