There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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