There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
