I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
