uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
