you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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