omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
