she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
